In past days, we had a lot of discussion about the subject of suffering. The gist of it was that people tend to believe that suffering should be avoidably at any cost. We see this reflected in different part in our society. Noticeable regarding physical and live treating harm, this might be the right approach. However, once we move to emotional distress, this patter will be continued without any second thoughts. Much of the discussion evolve often around this very fact, even without acknowledge it.
The main fallacy here is, in my option, is, that we believe that it is good to avoid any harmful at all. It creates a dangerous narrative that is not fulfillable. Simply, because we cannot avoid suffering. I think this is a halfhearted developed of emotional intelligence, but we only live it by the narrow fact that words can cause suffering, but not grow.
Suffering is friction. When we move through our live, we will always be confronted with resistance, and here is the catch of the discussion: Many people who believe this does not believe that there are not worth suffering. Hence, suffering needs to be avoided. The main aspect is that many are unable to endure the suffering.
The important is the following: To have fate that everything is becoming good eventually. In English, we call this basic trust, however, the German word “Urvertrauen” is here much more a fit. It describes the feeling that things turn out to be okay. Something we often can experience with something close like a caregiver. The feeling that everything becomes all right. To be accepted and loved for who you are.
Here is my theory: Much people leak the necessary “Urvertrauen” - that things turn out to be okay. They think that emotional distress is violations and needs to be suppressed.
Many I met with this philosophe are people that, I sensed, had a troubled pasted and missing this curtail aspect of the human experience.
Is anyone worth suffering for?
Which bring me to the point from before: Suffering is unavoidable. It is a decision problem. There is a piece of information that you need to judge if It’s going to become hurtful or not. But you can’t, hence you degraded the quality of the information to a degree that it fits everyone and is depleted of any meaning.
Look at pop culture and ask yourself what does it try to express? Much of the meaning has moved away, so it fit the most of us all. When there is nothing too offending, there is nothing to care of. But it creates noise that feeds into the machine of the autopilot we’re living in. Suffering disrupts it. Our brain has brilliant strategies to avoid it. For a simple and crushing reason: to survive.
Live does not need to be nice to you to survive, you just have to stay long enough alive. Suffering needs to be done right, to little, and we only see it as a disturbance. Too much, and we descent into chaos.
Here is the problem, when is this enough?
I feel like that much people went into the discord of suffering and can only remember it. But as often, we’re blinded by the outcome of things. Not the growth that this pain has made. Here is my though: When the suffering becomes bigger than the growth, it might be too much.
Likewise, we have developed so much senses in live to detect pain. Hell, our modern life makes it almost impossible to avoid being confronted. Just by learning to see that data more by data, it causes pain. Not considering the fact that we have the (un)natural tendency to compare ourselves on the way with everyone and everything! Fuck!
One blind spot people, however, miss typically out is that other suffers for them too. Without knowing, it. Which raises the question Is there anyone worth suffering for?
I’ve learned in the past years that the best way to cope with this, to go where the pain is. And we have to distinguish about the physical sense of pain like walking through fire (it is hot and burns you, don’t do it) and the emotion pain that should prevent us from going out of the social normal that ensure our survive.
Modern life does not need this anymore and allows us to go beyond this. WE can go down the deep pain that has molded us and maybe, just maybe, understand them. This makes the understanding about pain so painful.